Daniel Guyton



01



Christmas on Life Support





2M.2F. One-Act (10 min), Santa's been in a terrible accident, and it's up to Dr. Gumball to save his life. Can he do it? Or will we lose Santa (and Christmas) forever?


"So much fun reading your piece Sunday. I thought it was brilliant! I had a hard time not laughing through it!" (Marianne Geyer, Merely Players Presents, 2019)


Produced by Newnan High School in Newnan, GA, 2016

Produced by Robert Morris University in Moon Township, PA, 2017



02


Death of a Snowman




1M,1F. One-Act (10 min), A snowman and a little girl discuss the afterlife in this existential Yuletide comedy.

  • Winner of GottaGo! Newsletter's "Favorite of the Evening" award in 2009
  • Semi-Finalist in Play-Makers Spokane Hit & Run VII Series in Spokane, WA in 2013
  • 2nd Place in Dover Players 10-Minute Play Experience in Olmsted, OH, 2019

"I felt as if my face were leaking, I cried so much during this piece, but I just let the tears fall and wiped them away as needed. I never got around to voting online, but Guyton’s DEATH OF A SNOWMAN is probably my favorite of all of the Phoenix Xmas pieces." (Hope Baugh, Indy Theatre Habit, 2010)


For more information, please click here.


03


Dominic the Donkey Gets Laryngitis




3M (or 2M,1F). One-Act (10 min), Dominic the Donkey gets laryngitis on the day before Christmas. Santa will be devastated, unless Dr. Stevens can come to the rescue!


"You can have Jingle Bells and The Little Drummer Boy, but Dominic the Chistmas Donkey is the best Christmas song ever. How Signor Pangellini and his donkey wind up in an American doctor's office is beyond me, but enjoy Daniel Guyton's hilarious little play for its inspired silliness and every pun imaginable on a certain part of the body where the sun don't shine." (Larry Rinkel, New Play Exchange, 2018)


For more information, please click here.


04



An Elf in Elementary School





7M,7F. One-Act (30 min), In this delightful children's comedy, Happy the Christmas Elf decides that he doesn't want to be an elf anymore. Instead, he wants to go back to school and become a math teacher! Only problem? He can't add. So, Santa sends him back to elementary school, where he experiences hilarity and fun with the other students - and gets reminded of the true meaning of Christmas.

  • Commissioned by Alliance Theatre in Atlanta GA, 2017

Produced by Alliance Theatre's Junior Players Program in Atlanta, GA, 2017

Produced by Chief Theatre in Steamboat Springs, CO, 2018

Produced by Hampton High School in McDonough, GA, 2018



05


Grimbaldt, the Christmas Pimp




3M,1F. A series of short vignettes (20 min total), Grimbaldt the Elf does NOT want to make toys anymore. Instead, he wants to be a pimp, and entertain the naughty people in the audience.


"We read [GRIMBALDT THE] CHRISTMAS PIMP the other night aloud. Holy s--t. That was the most hilarious and completely unproducible thing I've seen in a while... We were pissing ourselves, and at the same time desperately afraid that anyone would hear us reading it. Holy shit, that was Farrelly Brothers material." (Bob Smith, Out of Box Theatre, 2016)


Unproduced


06


How I Met Your Santa




1F. One-Act Monologue (10 min). Mrs Claus explains how she and Santa first met, in this one woman monologue.

  • Winner of GottaGo! Newsletter's "Favorite of the Evening" award in 2011

"Rocking into the GottaGo! spotlight this week is Gayle Steigerwald in HOW I MET YOUR SANTA, the tale of her first meeting with Saint Nick. The delightful tale is all the more sentimental because of Steigerwald's tender storytelling ability. You will find yourself believing every word of the future Mrs. Claus' account of the Christmas she encountered the jolly elf in her childhood home... Guyton brings tender, real moments to the stage without slipping down the too-much slope." (Elizabeth J Musgrave, GottaGo.us, 2011)


For more information, please click here.


07


Last of the Tannenbaums




3M (or 2M,1F). One-Act (10 min), Eddie the Evergreen desperately wants to be a Christmas tree, until a little bird tells him what really happens to Christmas trees...


"LAST OF THE TANNENBAUMS is adorable - well, Eddie (the Evergreen) may not think so, but this human thinks it's very cute." (Geri Albrecht, Heuer Publishing, 2014)


For more information, please click here.


08


A Merry cougar Christmas




2F,1M. One-Act (10 min), Two old ladies head to the mall in search of hot young men to spend Christmas Eve with.

  • Honorable Mention from the 15th Annual Estrogenius Festival, 2014

"Thanks for submitting A MERRY COUGAR CHRISTMAS for consideration for our New Works Winter Festival 2015. I really enjoyed reading about the food court cougars. You are absolutely fearless when it comes to pushing comedy to the edge." (Tom Berry, ACME Theatre, 2014)


For more information, please click here.


09


Mrs. Claus Gets Menopause




1M,1F. One-Act (10 min). Santa's wife experiences her magical changes on the most important day of Santa's year!

  • Semi-Finalist in Minnesota Shorts Festival of Plays in 2012

"A thoroughly delightful and hilarious story about Mrs. Claus and Santa discussing her change of life. This is a short play that could be done by any holiday-themed festival with a sophisticated audience. Not for children, but very funny." (Martha Patterson, playwright, 2015)


For more information, please click here.


10


rebel Without a Claus




1F,2M, One-Act (10 min). Mrs Claus reveals how she almost married Arthur Kringle, Santa's rebellious older brother.


"Loved [REBEL WITHOUT A CLAUS] at the Phoenix. So much fun, such a hoot. And they really brought their A game - great actors, of course, but the costume design was especially inspired. Great show!" (Eric Pfeffinger, Playwright, 2014)


For more information, please click here.


11


Rosie, the Retired Rockette




4F, One-Act (10 min). 86-year old Rosie is in a nursing home, but she still thinks she's back in her fabulous Rockette days.


"When Dawn and her two daughters visit Dawn's mother, Rosie, in a nursing home, Rosie believes that she is in her dressing room at Radio City and that her granddaughters are two new Rockettes. While the granddaughters enjoy Rosie's scandalous stories - Rosie was a wild one - Dawn needs her mother to see and recognize her. The acting was lovely, the direction was quite good, and the story was moving." (Wendy Caster, Show Showdown, 2012)


For more information, please click here.


12



The Sadomasochistic Christmas





1M.1F. One-Act (10 min), Mrs. Claus uses unconventional methods to teach naughty children how to behave. However, one naughty person seems to enjoy her punishment a bit too much.


"O mein Gott in Himmel! Absolutely funny and revolting at the same time. Only a schlock maestro such as Guyton can deliver blows this hard. Truly an amazing piece of theatre. I look forward to the day when we finally throw The Great Gatsby out of the curriculum and replace it with this. Awesome dialogue. A couple gems: "Then, I reach down... and remove his North Pole from his red pajamas." and "I’m Mrs. Claus, bitch. I can do whatever I want on Christmas. I own this holiday." Yuletide perversity extraordinaire right here. Love it." (Bryan Stubbles, New Play Exchange, 2018)


Staged Reading at Process Theatre's Play Day Read-A-Thon in Atlanta, GA, 2019



13



Should Old Acquaintance Be Forgot?





1M.1F. One-Act (10 min), Betty severely dreads her first New Years Eve party after becoming sober for the first time ever. When her husband's boss shows up with a six-pack, things get pretty intense.


"Guyton is a master of hyperarticulation and inarticulation, sometimes simultaneously! He forges two real, complex characters you can't help but relate to and like. The piece tells hard truths about addiction, recovery and relationships in a perfect balance of humor and heart. You will want to spend New Year's Eve with these people!" (Scott Sickles, New Play Exchange, 2020)


"This play does a good job of sending up the tradition of New Year's Eve parties and ennui-ridden world they occuppy. The play is all over the place (in a positive way) and is so much fun!" (Bryan Stubbles, New Play Exchange, 2020)


Unproduced



14



The Second Christmas





2M.1F. One-Act (10 min), A year after the first Nativity, Joseph laments being a step-dad to the Lord on High.


"Don't be quick to dismiss this play as something shocking like Thomas Bradshaw's Job. It's a respectful imagining of a year later for the holiest family. This is a heartwarming play! This is one of the few plays I know that humanizes Joseph, an underappreciated literary historical figure. He's got his doubts, he's imperfect he's someone you can relate to. But he's striving to do the very best for his wife and his child, the Son of God. The showdown with the Centurion is captivating and it reveals the heroic character of Joseph. My favorite Guyton play (so far)!" (Asher Wyndham, New Play Exchange, 2017)


Produced by Robert Morris University in Moon Township, PA, 2017

Staged Reading at Process Theatre's Play Day Read-A-Thon in Atlanta, GA, 2017



15


Welcome to Christmas Village




1F. One-Act Monologue (5 min), Gingerbell, the Christmas Elf, welcomes people to Christmas Village. Unfortunately, she gets a little distracted by a handsome audience member, and has trouble keeping her lines right.


"A female Christmas elf... I think that's a first. Another memorable buffoon who wants more out of life. She may remind you of yourself. I would love to see Gingerbell again." (Asher Wyndham, New Play Exchange, 2015)


For more information, please click here.




Daniel Guyton